Media Essays: Doctor Who For Kids
Written by The Wandering Fox
Freddy: Hey, didn’t you say you were gonna stop doing Doctor Who essays?
Teddy: Yeah, you know yourself a lot of people don’t read your essays about that, why bother?
Have you seen this!?
Freddy: …
Teddy: …
Yeah, I mean look at it! The TARDIS looks like it’s got green diarrhoea flying out of its backside, the Daleks’ eyestalks are bloody dreadful and those “arms” are daft as s***, the “Doctor” is just a Gen Z kid waving around a Sonic Screwdriver and….a toast robot!? Flipping heck, the BBC are a bunch of morons but this is taking the piss! It’s like they saw all the crap Moffat and (mostly) Chibnall and RTD did and went “Hold my beer!” Then commissioned this! I mean of all the things to give us to keep Doctor Who alive it’s this! You know what spin off we wanted!? For over a decade now!? This legend right here!
But nooooooooo! You gives us Class, the Homo Aqua thing, and then this!?
I know there will be certain fans whining at me that it’s a kids preschool cartoon but to that I argue the thing should have something recognisable in there that tells you it’s Doctor Who and I’m sorry but the TARDIS alone is not enough and not whatever the heck those Daleks are. I mean compare this to Disney’s Chibiverse, that’s clearly more like a preschool cartoon and the characters there are still recognisable, Amity, Luz, Eda, the DuckTales and Amphibia casts are still themselves. Trust the BBC to flop out a cartoon that looks about as appealing as vomit ice cream!
It’s funny how again history feels like it’s repeating itself. Doctor Who has just gone off the air with a desperate effort to get it back in this new Wilderness Years, they’ve got a deadline with a one off return (in this case a single series) but unlike the first Wilderness Years in which a cartoon was being developed but wasn’t made, we got one and it’s this! I now wish somebody buys the cartoon rights to that 90s animated series and makes it! Give us that Christopher Loyd/Jeff Goldblum Doctor with him teaming up with rebel freedom fighter Raven to fight the Daleks, I’d rather that!
Some whiny fan: Well if you think you can do it better, you try it!
Why thank you, I’ll take that on easily!
Freddy: Go on boss!
Teddy: Prove it again that some random guy has a better idea than these guys who spent goodness knows how much money on this!
Why yes! Here we go:
Doctor Who: Casefiles
It’d be an anthology series starring the surviving Doctors from Tom Baker. The Doctor invents a robot to record a few adventures to help educate children across the universe, from legends to history to interesting facts. It will be called “Casey” as she’s shaped like a case and looks like a camera and these are “cases” the Doctor is making to educate the children. The adventures they go on are about fun historical facts about places and people. Each episode stars each Doctor from the Fourth Doctor to….uh, whoever you consider the Doctor now.
So, let’s look at like this:
Fourth Doctor: Episode sees him invent Casey and since she is a robot she wants to teach the universe where the name “robot came from”. So she and the Doctor go to 1921 where they oversee Karel Čapek first invent the word “robot” for his Rossum Universal Robots, Casey asks though if robots existed before then. The Doctor explains there was many supposed beings of artificial life but it’s hard to say if they were really robots like Talos the golden guardian of Greece. The Doctor says everything has a beginning and this was Earth’s beginning of robots, showing the Earth’s first ever robot was possibly The Pigeon made by the mathematician Archytas of Tarentum. The case made, the Doctor and Casey go on their next adventure.
Fifth Doctor: He finds Casey after leaving Nyssa to do some research and decides to do another case with her. Casey points out that the Doctor is a time traveller so when we’re clocks invented. The Doctor and Casey travel in time to Ancient Egypt where they see the sun dials or as others call them shadow clocks were used to tell the time back then. They then progressed to mechanical clocks in the 14th century by monks and then the clocks were made to be smaller with springs and gears, and clocks were reinvented to help ships at sea. The Doctor then plays a time game with Casey, telling her to rush to the TARDIS in under a minute. Casey flies fast and the Doctor praises her for getting there under a minute. The Doctor then takes Casey in the TARDIS and its time to get Nyssa back.
Sixth Doctor: He is travelling alone when he finds Casey wandering around in the TARDIS case room. He happily greets her and Casey says to him because of him time travelling he’s met many famous people who have done a lot in the work of fiction. The Doctor says that is true and recalls meeting H.G Wells, the man who wrote the books War of the Worlds, The Time Machine and the Invisible Man. They go and find H.G Wells writing the War of the Worlds but are shocked to find he’s been kidnapped by Ice Warriors who have time travelled back to kidnap H.G.Wells to use his mind to spread out the belief they are taking over the galaxy with their tripods. Casey distracts the Ice Warriors while the Doctor saves H.G.Wells and reverses the Ice Warriors’ time engine to send them back. Casey is surprised at how influential H.G.Wells’ works are in future that real Martians want his work. The Doctor says his works are that well known they’ve been retold in movies, comics and audios. He tells Casey he better make sure the Ice Warriors don’t bother H.G.Wells anymore and tells her to stay in the TARDIS while he has a word with them. Casey laughs and bets he’ll show them an ever brighter rainbow coat.
Seventh Doctor: In this episode Ace is with the Doctor and Casey, who asks the Doctor if he likes any famous singers. The Doctor, Ace and Casey have a good talk about the many famous musicians of the Earth, the Doctor always has a soft spot for the Beetles, Ace says you can’t go wrong with Queen, so they go back and watch the Beetles do the famous Abbey Road walk and watch Queen perform a live concert. The Doctor softly says that though singers might not last forever, their voices are immortal. He then asks Ace if she’s ready for some modern music though Ace says they maybe time travellers but she’s set on her genres of music. Casey notes people get really happy when they listen to music. The Doctor says music can bring out incredible emotions in people and sometimes it even brings people together, it’d be a sad world we’re there no music out there. It ends with Ace playing some music on her cassette.
Eighth Doctor: Travelling on, the Doctor finds Casey in the TARDIS library, she is reading a private journal about the famous writers the Doctor has met, she’s surprised Mary Shelley is on there. The Doctor says he’s been friends with Mary for a while and she is by far among the most impactful writers in history. He tells Casey she is famous for writing Frankenstein, coming up with it on a stormy night at the Villa Doadatti, but he slyly says lots happened that night. He decides to introduce Mary to Casey, so they travel to her home while she’s writing Frankenstein but find Mary is being chased by Mondas Cybermen who have crashed their ship near her house and believe she can help them make more Cybermen after reading a few notes of her book. The Doctor says the Cybermen are badly damaged and their powers will run out so he, Casey and Mary lead the Cybermen on a chase until they lose power. The Doctor says he’s gonna be busy trying to tidy up the Cybermen’s mess but for now he lets Mary tell Casey the first few sentences of her book.
Ninth Doctor: Travelling alone, the Doctor comes across Casey and admits he nearly forgot about her. Casey says she’s been hiding in the TARDIS for a long while and heard of shouting. The Doctor says he’s been a bit lonely and wouldn’t mind going out somewhere with her. Casey asks what “video games” are as she’s not really done a case on them. The Doctor goes with her in researching video games and he’s surprised to find they started out in 1958 with the Tennis for Two analog game, he admits he himself thought they started in the 70s. They go through the history from the first console to the arcade era, to iconic characters Sonic and Mario being made. The Doctor says video games tell many different stories, some for kids, some for grown ups. He says he could do with a bit of fun gaming and asks Casey if she fancies playing a racing game, she says she’s up for it.
Tenth Doctor: The Doctor is asked by Casey if there’s a place he’s never been to. He says he’s not had Christmas on another planet so he and her go to Christmas Zero, a planet dedicated entirely to making presents, Christmas Trees and the chocolate. They go there and the Doctor says Christmas is all about peace, thanksgiving, kindness and love. However, they find the Nestene Consciousness is hiding here and taking over with Auton toys. The Doctor and Casey get the innocent away and trap the Nestene in a big present. The Doctor takes it in the TARDIS and throws it in space and returns with Casey, where she gets him a present and he does with her, wishing her a Merry Christmas.
Eleventh Doctor: While Amy and Rory are on their honeymoon the Eleventh Doctor finds Casey who is trying to keep the cases tidy. She asks the Doctor if there’s a creature he doesn’t know if is real or not. The Doctor admits the Kitsune has always left him curious as to its existence. He goes on with the legends of the Kitsune, that they’re either tricksters or guardians in Japanese culture, they’re foxes with nine tails and shapeshift. He reckons if they are real they’re either alien or they’re a race of creatures who lived here before humans. They go to Japan and find out there’s an alien hunter trying to catch a fox. The Doctor and Casey save her and find she is a Kitsune. The Doctor has a plan and they use it to lure the alien hunter into a trap, the Kitsune turns into a woman who makes fun of him, and leave him to be arrested by UNIT. The Kitsune thanks the Doctor and Casey then goes back to her family. The Doctor chuckles as he realises he forgot to ask where Kitsune come from. Casey says he at least found a Kitsune. He laughs and tells her they have more to explore.
Twelfth Doctor: The Doctor asks Casey if there’s anything she would like to find out about. Casey says she’s loving the mystery legends of Earth and wonders about the Bluecaps. The Doctor says they’re quite the enigma, they are little flame headed elves who helped miners, and goes to find out about them, but upon reaching the old mines they find Daleks have got the Bluecaps hostage and want to turn them into living batteries. The Doctor and Casey free the Bluecaps and tell them to shine their fires so brightly it will confuse the Daleks. The Daleks roar out and spin about, the Doctor uses their ship’s magnetic field to magnetise them to the ship and sends them flying away into space. The Bluecaps thank the Doctor and Casey and accept them as friends.
Teddy: You gonna include 13, 14 and 15?
Freddy: Fugitive?
Uhhhhhhhhhhhh…..maybe 13. I find her little tolerable compared to 14 and 15. Fugitive, I’m not sure how to fit her into it given her strange state in the series.
If I had to do the 13th Doctor I’d give her an episode with Casey about the Selkies after the Doctor has met many sea creatures. The Doctor explains the Selkies are famously known to be friendly creatures who turn into a human after they get to dry land. They go to a coastal city and try to follow the Selkie who’s left the water and find she’s gone shopping. The Doctor and Casey help her buy what she wants and walk her back to the ocean.
If I had to include Fugitive (I’ll take her over 14 and 15 any day), Casey is lost in the dark after leaving the TARDIS, she can hear whispers in the dark and is trying to get back to the TARDIS. The Fugitive Doctor finds Casey and doesn’t know who she is, Casey doesn’t know how but she seems to be the Doctor. The Fugitive Doctor is in a spacesuit that’s projecting light beams to scare off the Vashta Nerada. Both talk about how the sun and moon create day and night. The Fugitive Doctor says she’s found the TARDIS Casey’s Doctor has and leaves her there. Casey says she wonders who the Fugitive Doctor is, maybe she’s really from the future or another universe. The TARDIS then materialises and Casey happily greets the Doctor. Whoever this Doctor is, we don’t know. That’s where the series ends.
Teddy: That sounds a lot better.
Freddy: Oh yeah it does! You’re honouring the Classic Doctors and you’re actually making it interesting to children!
Teddy: I bet your animation would be better.
It’d look slightly anime, that’s for sure and it’d be 2D. ^^
So there you have it BBC! Why couldn’t you do this instead!? If you want me to come and do it, fine, if you want to take these ideas that’s okay but I’d like to oversee it! Now if you excuse me, I’ve got to bleach my brain of that terrible first look you gave us.
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