Media Essays: Captain Conroy's Endings That Could Be Better

Written by Captain Conroy

And by a title like that, I mean much, much, MUCH better than some endings we get in some properties like TV show episodes, films, books, etc. Especially as some of them most definitely would have been enough to make us feel like the picture above. Some of these endings I’m about to talk about certainly made me feel that way. Nevertheless, I still thought it would make an interesting blogpost so I thought I would take 5 of these endings, describe them and then I’ll see what I can do to make them better as that’s no doubt another thing you may well have done if you ever came across an ending you didn’t like. So, without further ado – let’s take a dive into it all and see what we have here. This is Captain Conroy and these are my endings that could be better.

No. 5: Popeye: Little Swea Pea

I really don’t like having to put this one on here as I genuinely do like this cartoon but the ending really could have been better. The story is Popeye coming to see Olive as he wants to take her to the zoo. Olive is busy but she lets him take Swea Pea, who she happens to be looking after to which Popeye agrees and then afterwards, mayhem with the animals ensue when he wanders off and has a great time with them while Popeye is trying to keep him out of harm’s way.

The cartoon has some really funny outcomes with these animals such as wrestling an elephant, tangling with a crocodile and a fight with a hippo. My personal favourite is when he rubs the crocodile’s belly and sings it to sleep and then the crocodile does the same thing to him afterwards. Again I cannot stress enough that I really do like this cartoon but I just wish the ending was better. Why? Well, it’s like this:

After he stops a leopard Swea Pea was riding on, Popeye brings him home and suggests playing with a toy with he wants to play with animals, this case being a toy monkey with a push out feature. Beforehand, Olive had warned Popeye not to let him get scared to which although the toy is relatively harmless – somehow that scares him.

Like so. Olive then comes out upon hearing Swea Pea cry and beats Popeye with a brush until the point it breaks and carries him back inside leaving Popeye lamenting over the fact that he’ll never have babies. I really don’t like the ending despite liking the rest of the cartoon because Popeye went through a great deal to keep Swea Pea safe and to make sure he doesn’t get hurt or scared, and this is his reward? Not a satisfying payoff. Yes – I know it’s a cartoon and it doesn’t always have to have a happy ending but come on!

Personally, I think it would have been much funnier and a bit better if Olive had been the one to scare him after she had told Popeye not to do it – sometimes a bit of hypocritical humour can really payoff. For my own ending, I like to imagine Popeye still bringing Swea Pea home after the encounter with the leopard and tells Olive all about it. Olive is grateful for Popeye watching over Swea Pea and then offers the toy herself which scares him instead. Olive then maybe tries calming him down and Popeye just leaves her to it very put off by the noise and still has his little song about him never having babies because of it.

Something like that would have improved things I think and wouldn’t leave one with a sour taste in their mouths, not to mention having a better ending which doesn’t leave Popeye at the mercy of something that wasn’t even intended and after he went to great lengths to keep the kid safe. But still – credit is due where credit is due as the old saying goes – this ending naffed me the least out of all of these entries on here hence why it’s only number 5 and the rest of them certainly get worse, much like the next entry – but still when it comes to this one.

“One thing with this ending, it could do with mending, I’m Popeye The Sailor Man!”

No. 4: Horrid Henry’s Bad Present

Movin on up – I did say there were worse endings that annoyed me more than Little Swea Pea’s End and this is one that’s certainly it. Horrid Henry’s Bad Present is the 3^rd story in Horrid Henry’s 18^th Book: Horrid Henry Wakes The Dead. It all starts when their Grandma comes to visit and brings them each a Dinosaur toy – not just a static toy you might see in a gift shop but a mega awesome one that would even make Moody Margaret jealous. However, there is one catch here for them both:

One of them is green and one of them is purple and they both want the purple one which results in a major fallout. Their parents being their parents make Henry give Peter the purple one in one of the most blatant acts of favouritism ever – that plus Peter’s blatant guilt tripping and times like this really do show that Henry’s parents are abusive don’t they?

“Us?! Abusive?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Believe you and me, you certainly are and if you like, we can always save that for another blogpost.

Anyway, things really don’t get much better as Henry takes matters into his own hands and uses Peter’s own medicine against him but Peter thinks Henry’s trying to dupe him and resists and as a result of a tug of war, they break it.

And naturally they both want the green one and what you see above is how it ends. Yeah, nice ending – NOT! This is such an annoying ending as nothing gets achieved or accomplished or learned. This is why I prefer the earlier Horrid Henry books as opposed to later ones – even if they didn’t always end in Henry’s favour. Anyway – if this story had been written by me – allow me to walk you through what would have been a more satisfying ending.

Henry still tricks Peter but this time snatches it away before Peter can fully resist. Henry taunts Peter and this leads to a chase that Henry starts by saying if Peter wants it, he’ll have to catch him. The chase gets hectic which attracts Mum and Dad’s attention, they order the madness to stop and it does when Henry trips and the toy is dropped and gets broken that way. Henry and Peter blame each other but their Dad is having none of it from either of them and can say something like “Because of you fighting, the toy is now broken and now you’ll both have to make do with the green one! I hope this will teach you two a lesson about sharing!” And the aftermath shows them playing with it together and they both admit the green one is not so bad after all – this could even be justified if the parents had the common sense to tell them to share in the first place.

I know Henry is not one for sharing usually – but see how much better this ending could have been. Through my ending alone – there is no bias as I make Dad talk to them both and not just Henry and there is a better payoff instead of leaving them both screaming they want the green one and even through who is supposed to be a horrid boy – a valuable lesson could be learned. But no – the ending we did get – that was the best Francesca Simon could come up with? Pathetic! Ah well, I should be grateful that it never got adapted into TV form and that nothing in the TV series could have had half as an annoying ending as that…

Ah… b******s!

No. 3: Thomas Comes To Breakfast

Gasp! Not just any old Thomas story, but an Awdry original on the list?! Captain how dare you?! Yeah I might get crucified for this one – but at least hear me out. Yes – this is a beloved classic story but in my case – I always hated it because of its ending and it never endingly cheeses me off because of the fact that Thomas was blamed for something that wasn’t even his fault! Sadly it certainly wasn’t the only time this happened either and definitely not the last as other engines sometimes get the short end of the stick too.

“But Thomas was being cocky, right?” you may ask. Yes he was – but as any Thomas fan worth their salt can tell you – it clearly states in the book text and the TV adaptation that a careless cleaner meddled with his controls. So there we have it – he’s a Karma Houdini while Thomas suffers on account of his dumbassery. That, plus in case the people of Sodor are forgetting – engines don’t just drive themselves!

Again, I totally get that this story is trying to teach Thomas a lesson about being too over confident but it can easily do that without having Thomas blamed for something on account on someone else. How you may ask? Simple – like this:

“There was worse to come, but not for Thomas. The Fat Controller spoke severely to the careless cleaner. “You have caused a great deal of damage that had endangered lives, what do you have to say for yourself?!” he boomed. “I’m sorry sir.” mumbled the cleaner. “And I should hope you are too!” the Fat Controller snapped “You’re hereby dismissed!” The careless cleaner slinked sadly away feeling very ashamed of himself. The Fat Controller then spoke kindly to Thomas. “This accident may not have been your fault, but I hope you’ll learn from this experience that you will always need your driver no matter how well you run your line.” “Yes sir, I will sir.” Thomas’ voice was muffled from behind his bush.”

See? That’s how it should have gone. But no it’s all Tomas in disgrace and all Thomas is a naughty engine. I totally would get it if Thomas was like Ivor the Engine in the sense that he has a driver but could still drive himself but that’s not the case – Awdry wrote the stories with a whimsical edge but still placed realism above all else. Might as well have gone something like “You’re a very naughty engine!” “B***h, it was that careless cleaner playing with my controls!”

Yeah, I’m sorry Thomas – it really does bring me no pleasure to have to put an ending from one of your stories on here. However as I don’t like being negative for too long on Thomas, let’s finish this entry off with how the book version takes an interesting turn with this. How you may ask?

Because after Thomas gets his rebuild – you’ll notice differences like his level running board. I find this interesting because apparently Awdry intended for this so he could fix Thomas’ dipped running board. I remember someone – who I think was the Unlucky Tug theorising that Awdry personally never liked Thomas as an E2 and tried to take some of the E2 features away. After all, he had originally envisioned him as a LNER class J50 but the illustrator was a southern man and used a Southern E2 as a basis.

What we could have had vs what we got everybody.

So given the J50 already has a flat running board, would this story have never happened had Thomas been a J50? Did Awdry really never like Thomas as an E2? It really is some interesting stuff once you really start thinking about it. But sadly – now we’re back to the bad stuff.

No. 2: Miracle On Evergreen Terrace

Yeah – as the picture implies, what miracle?! That’s not a miracle – that looks like one miserable bunch to me! Let alone for a Christmas special – the first part at least is but the rest of it is certainly anything but merry and jolly. “Miracle” On Evergreen Terrace or Misery On Evergreen Terrace as it should be called has the Simpsons all nice and ready for Christmas but Marge rightfully insists about the importance of celebrating Christmas as a family but Bart being the little See-You-Next-Tuesday he is drinks 12 glasses of water so he can get up early and have big head start on opening presents. He does, but his dumbassery causes him to burn down the tree when his toy fire truck caught fire after it sprayed a plug socket.

And being the idiot he is – he takes the evidence outside and buries it in the snow – yeah great plan Bart – what were you planning on doing once the snow melted? However he lies to the family saying a burglar robbed them and thus a lie builds up around it and gets so big that in the end his guilt builds up enough for him to eventually confess the truth to his family after all the generosity the townsfolk were showing them. During Kent Brockman’s show the truth is unfolded and thus the Simpsons are interpreted as scammers and everyone in Springfield goes completely 180 on them and hate them. And in the end after seemingly happy to see them, they just take all of their stuff – leaving them with a wash cloth and they somehow end up having fun chasing each other for it.

I mean just what kind of an ending is this?! They have just had all their stuff taken by everyone and they somehow still manage to find a bright side and just arse about with a dish cloth? That is freaking pathetic! Not to mention I sometimes wonder how the citizens of Springfield gained access to the house while they were gone, crazy isn’t it? It’s no wonder I don’t watch this crap during the Christmas season or any other time for that matter. If you want an especially good Christmas special, don’t watch this – it’s garbage. Here’s a real Christmas special:

My personal recommendation anyways – unlike Miracle On Evergreen Terrace – Merry Christmas Mr. Bean will having you splitting your sides laughing and will be sure to be a yuletide treasure to add to your list to watch every Christmas for years to come. But I digress, this ending needs fixing and I know just how it should have gone. I will have to fix the middle here as well but here goes.

Have it so the truth gets uncovered before Bart can even tell the family and thus their reactions will show for sure how they had nothing to do with it and once Bart spills the beans – that’s it everyone knows. AND – emphasis on and – he can get the short end of the stick by himself instead of the whole family having to be made to suffer with him on account of something he did. This always happens in The Simpsons and it never-endingly cheeses me off when it does. Why should the whole family suffer because of Bart? It’s not fair on them and 99% of the time, they’re innocent and didn’t even do anything in the episode to deserve it! This episode is even one of those examples. Well – it was naughty of Homer to steal the customers’ shopping but apart from that – they were completely in the dark about it and now the rest are unfairly suffering because of Bart! Seriously – and people on DeviantArt had the absolute gall to be offended that I didn’t like this character when this episode is a shining example as to why their precious Bart is a filthy stinking piece of crap!

Oh call the wambulance!

But – my hatred aside – to continue with my ending, carrying on with Bart’s suffering after the truth is unveiled, my ending would have it so even the family disowns him and thus it’s up to Bart to put things right. Maybe something like this:

Have it so Bart goes to the man they got the car from and asks for the money back to give it back to the people of Springfield, but the dealer is hard and refuses telling him he shouldn’t have deceived them in the first place. But when a car from his garage gets stolen, Bart can’t stop the thief but the information he provides leads to the police catching him and the dealer out of gratitude offers Bart the money as a reward and he goes around giving it back to the people. The family learn of this and they along with everyone else in Springfield forgive him and thus at the end – Bart is rewarded with not only being back in everyone’s good books – but he and the others say perhaps could get presents out of gratitude for making things up and thus it turns out a nice Christmas after all.

Therefore – that’s the miracle! In the actual episode no miracle occurs at all and it feels like it’s called such just for the sake of forcing in a stupid parody title. But still, I feel my ending would have made it much more festive, jolly and above all makes it more true to the tone of what a Christmas special should be. But no – we got what we got and I’ll finish this entry saying this: if you want a Christmas miracle – stick to this one:

Original or remake, either one works.

(Dis)honourable Mentions

Before we get to number one – I should take this moment to list a few Honourable – well Dishonourable mentions here:

I suppose I should mention about this one given earlier on – but basically Henry and Peter spend the entire episode arguing over what to call a cat which made the whole experience insufferable. But Moody Margaret gets the cat in the end and names it leaving Dad wondering what on Earth are they going to call the cat’s kittens leaving Henry and Peter screaming “No!” Much like Bad Present, nothing gets achieved or accomplished at all. One has to wonder why they’re even fighting about something as stupid as that anyhow because they already have a cat and that’s Fluffy!

I don’t think many people are in a hurry to defend this one and who can blame them? The whole episode basically tortures Gary – what the flying monkeys did he ever do to anyone?! SpongeBob is stupidly oblivious and it all started because SpongeBob started worrying about Gary at home without him which was something he never worried about before by the way and this particular episode ends with SpongeBob taking Gary to work with him so he won’t have to worry about him thus taking away Gary’s freedom and time at home which was never a problem. SpongeBob practically has no sense of continuity which not only makes the ending completely frustrating, but utterly pointless as after this episode – SpongeBob doesn’t bring Gary to work all the time. A much better ending would’ve been Gary driving away Puffy Fluffy and SpongeBob is actually grateful to Gary for saving his life instead of scolding him for it.

Not many people like this ending and I can’t fault them given Percy was punished for something that wasn’t his fault earlier on and Arry and Bert get away Scot free while James is humiliated. Now – I know I brought down the ending to Thomas Comes To Breakfast, but had Rev. Awdry written this story that definitely would have been different. Arry and Bert would have been punished and Percy gets the apology he deserves – but hey we got none of that here as this was a HiT era episode – the same era which brought such disasters like Edward Strikes Out and the complete annihilation of the narrow gauge engines’ characters.

Much like Little Swea Pee – it pains me to put this here as I am a big Roald Dahl fan, but I never much cared for Esio Trot and the ending is a large reason as to why. Mr. Hopper tricks Mrs. Silver into thinking he can make her tortoise Alfie grow and shrink whenever it’s convenient. Mrs. Silver never discovers the truth and Mr. Hopper gets away with deception. Yes, we know Alfie’s alright but that still does not make for a good ending, I mean what is this trying to teach kids? That’s it’s OK to deceive people to get the woman of your dreams to marry you? No! What’s worse still is that this is the original source material and yet an adaptation from 2015 that was released on the BBC actually fixes this by having Mrs. Silver discover the truth and Mr. Hoppy is called out on it but he still wins Mrs. Silver in the end and marries her. See? Not hard! Sorry Roald, I love all of your others but this definitely isn’t your strongest one.

No. 1: Dot And Bubble

Oh boy! This bloody ending! This episode! That wretched witch of a character and that wretched…

Man this episode cheeses me off so much! The whole episode needs fixing to which for that, you can check out the Wandering Fox’s post right here: https://www.themediamanblog.com/post/media-essays-the-failures-of-dot-and-bubble 

And you’ll be here to read me tearing this ending apart and how to make it better so here we go and Lippy Windy Mean up there will certainly be making more than that face by the time I’m through with it! Rot And Flubble as I call it has the premise of a town called Finetime which seems harmonious but in actually it’s utterly cringe and more or less a satire of how people these days seriously disconnect themselves from reality being stuck on their stupid devices. In this case it’s even to the point where Wissy Pooper Spleen has to learn how to navigate the streets without her Dot without crashing into stuff let alone putting one foot in front of the other.

Being a Doctor-lite episode makes the experience more insufferable by the minute as unlike past times such as Blink where they had a great leading protagonist in the form of Sally Sparrow, Whippy Loser Pee is not a great leading protagonist at all, she’s rude, racist (more on that in a bit) cringy and just has a kind of face you want to punch. Especially as she doesn’t heed anything the Doctor says. But the ending is where it gets worse.

To add to the many reasons there is to hate Sissy Twitty Brean, she throws the man who was trying to save her under the bus and he ends up getting killed because of her as she tricks the Dot into think he’s first alphabetically. Then she gets away to the safe point where everyone else is and where the racism comes in, she refuses the Doctor’s offer labelling him as “not one of them.” The Doctor laughs, then cries and the episode ends like that leaving Sippy Lumpy Reek to get away Scot free with murder. Man, I had never had such an insufferable experience watching a Doctor Who episode! Just how did Russel T Davies think this episode was even a remotely good idea?! In case he’s forgotten we come to these things to forget life’s problems like how bad people can get away with things – not be reminded!

Not to mention that when Sutekh came along, Silly Whiny Peas and everyone would have gotten turned to dust which would have been glorious but everything gets undone once the Doctor defeats Sutekh thus we don’t even have that satisfaction going for it. No one can change my mind, Rot And Flubble is the worst episode of Doctor Who ever! And while I would be tempted to say that this episode is irredeemable, there’s many ways of fixing it.

My personal pitch is that the Doctor and Ruby come to Finetime and Lindy (yes I’m dropping the insults for the moment to keep it more professional) serves as a part time companion for the episode and their guide to navigate Finetime. All seems well, yet a little too good to be true and it turns out it’s because Finetime is a trap for the Doctor set by the Master and he has the monsters from the episode working for him. After the day is saved, at least someone is racist but Lindy calls him out on it and is grateful to the Doctor. She still turns down his offer to come with them but not for racist reasons, it’s because they’re going to rebuild Finetime and they need a leader and she’s willing to take the responsibly she and the Doctor hug and go their ways thus leaving opportunity to see her again. See?! Easy!

But if the episode really had to turn out the way it  did, at least have the Judoon show up and arrest Lindy for willingly contributing to someone’s death and have them drag her off kicking and screaming and begging the Doctor for help but he just glares at her and tells her “You disgust me.” And even the people of Finetime make a pledge to be better than her.

Now, something like that may seem awfully convenient but given the Judoon could just show up and arrest the Doctor in The Timeless Children they could do the same here easily. And by this point anything would have been better in order to see Whiffy Slinky Scream get some comeuppance or at least make the experience less insufferable! Man I hate this episode with a burning passion and I want to kill it and…

I probably need to stop doing that. Anyway, those are my endings that could do with being better. Now’s the time to ask to hear from you guys, do you agree with this list? Do you disagree even? What endings would you like to have seen be done better? Do feel free to share them all in the comments. And until the next time, feel free to join me for my next contribution to the blog as I review the Thomas And Friends DLC for Train Sim World 5, until then people – take care and this is Captain Conroy signing out and now to take care of some unfinished business…

“Er… Conroy? Why are you looking at me like that? It’s very unsettling, please stop!”

(Pulls out butcher knives)

TIME TO DIE NOW!

(Lunges forward brandishing them laughing maniacally and Lindy screams. The Wandering Fox and the Media Man happen to be passing by)

Wandering Fox: Er, shouldn’t we do something?

Media Man: No, let’s just leave him to it. (cackles deviously)

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